auset speaks: untitled (honestly)

this is not for a romantic ending
for the ceasefire of an eternal flame
or because i miss you
no
this is for the heartbreaking disappointment
of our loss
of you and i
of us
of what you no longer desire
no matter how far i reach to touch the most tender
parts of you, as i once did
you don't reach back.
now
you push me off
you ignore my presence in the room
acknowledge only what gratifies
your otherwise deadened ego

so much for friendship

though i've come to terms with this
being more your loss than my own
our truth hurts
i feel silly when i miss you
when i need you
when i don't wish we never met
when i cry over the growing pains
when you don't look in my eyes
when you're not here to make it betta
when i wait for your call
when i pray to understand
where the intimacy changed
and when my love became less than paramount,
when we both breathed a high off this shared affinity

when i ask God
where, how, what for
did i lose
you.

as ridiculous as i feel
i'd feel worse trying to deny my melancholy
you bring out the worst in me
but concealed wounds never heal

its come down to you or me
i need to let you go
and have yet to know how
don't even know how to end this poem

so i begin again
with oxymoronic words
only your muse inspires...

fuck you...i love you.