khepera revelation one: love is not missing, he's been patiently awaiting my acceptance.

if you are reading this, and have been reading me, remember all those blogs about love, finding love, having love, keeping love. wondering why i haven't found this love.

today, with you, i acknowledge it outside the personal crawlspaces of my mind.

well, this love has been. has lived. has loved me fully. he came into my life a number of years ago, and has patiently stood by me through growth, change, maturity, clarity, realization and revelation. we have become the best of friends and more. so much much more.

i would not allow this love to be, after a first go at it. i thought i could put it in a safe place to understand it before i was vulnerable to it again. time, space, distance and differences all play a part in our history. our continuously building foundation.

this is a sacred journey.

we've been walking. alone and together. ebbing and flowing through all things. standing still with us. still standing for us. this sacred journey had come full circle this past thursday. with one honest action from me. to him.

i cannot speak more on it, for it is ours at present. ours alone. to live. to cultivate. to nurture. to nourish. to cherish. to honor. to respect. to adore. to bring our whole selves to. to give space to each other in. to just be in. to learn. to grow. to mature. to refine. to become more. to be more. to have it all. to know we have it all, just being us. even more than all, just being us together.

this is our love.

one i had not realized was always with me, and only realized was so when i felt i had none. never had one. since our first moment, we have had this lasting connection. i fought with it. wanted to not have it at times. then i let it just be. left it where it is so i can go be. in my solitude. in my slow, steady, sure walk to understanding. to feeling. to accepting. to allowing him to love me. to giving him the space in me to be that man for me. the man he chooses, wishes, honors me, loves to be. i can feel that in just the way he asks... are you okay?

there have been others. i must humbly apologize for seemingly wasting your time and adoration for me. and if there ever was any, your love. because you were not it. you were cover ups, hiding places, escape hatches..and some, dead ends. whatever i could get to to get away from the life-encompassing vulnerability this love is. you were fun, you were comfortable...but he is worth more. i say this to be brutally honest.

i'll speak our story later. when it is time to tell. for now, the stillness of my heart, the calm of my soul, the serenity of my mind, the sensuality of my spirit asks me to invite you into this revelation this morning.

my darlings, i love you so. i will say forever into infinity. god blesses us all.

xoxo,
nequa